After what felt like a two-year sabbatical – twelve whole days, sheesh! – G-A-Y is back. Thank the gods, oh thank the gods. Far too long to go without that customary snark-with-your-morning-hating-of-the-world. Hating the world requires snark, and coffee. Sometimes chocolate, as well.

Just to show that we may all be going to hell in a handbasket, but at least we’re having a good time, this nugget, regarding ex-gaydom and why we queers are all nasty bigoted hypocrites. But we’re so good at it! Hypocrisy is especially potent when you sniff it directly from the canister (as those of us recovering from organized religion did throughout our formative years). Clearly the folks at the American Family Association are still high.

I can’t bring myself to open that tab, by the way. When I must, I use Safari, but I absolutely refuse to open violent hate-spewing garbage alongside the usual suspects. I’m too ocd. I fear the tainting of my day, should the hate be prepared on the same dish as the angry, articulate truth-speak.

Good As You is also covering the so-called Americans For Truth attempts to destroy the Vagina Monologues. First of all: dear god, what is this, news? Eve Ensler wrote a play and used the “v” word a lot. Like twelve years ago, people! And distasteful as using the “v” word admittedly is, if you haven’t managed to stop her yet, what makes you think that now’s the time? For more in Peter LaBarbera news, hit Pam’s House Blend for this bit, regarding dialing back all tentative progress made in the acceptance of transfolk in the name of, y’know, squashing the Homosexual Agenda. Dammit. Why am I not on that email list? Where can I sign up? I was the president of the gay club for three frigging years in high school – you’d think people like me would be ducking calls from the Homosexual Agenda. “Hey, aren’t you gonna get your phone?” “Nah, it’s just the Homosexual Agenda again. They never stop calling. I keep thinking about getting on that no-call list, but you just never know when we might be phone-treeing to form that militia we’re always talking about…”

Lastly on the G-A-Y front: a pull-out from this hilarious piece of trash by the soulless Matt Barber. Jeez. There’s no good place to start, and I can’t spend the rest of my day on this, so I’ll mention, simply, this bit:

The fact that we don’t have mandatory surgeon general warnings on the side of condom wrappers is a testament to the power and influence wielded by the radical homosexual lobby. (Warning: Male-male anal sodomy has been proven to shorten your lifespan by up to 20 years.)

Fascinating stuff. I mean, you have warnings on cigarettes that say smoking’s bad because, you know, if you’re buying cigarettes you’re pretty much guaranteed to be, I dunno, smoking them. On the other hand, I’ve actually used condoms, if not altogether recently, but I am almost a hundred percent certain that I never once used them for “male-male anal sodomy”. I’ve given it thought. Nope. Not once did male-male anal sodomy occur on, or even near, my person. The coolest part of the story, as covered at Good As You, is that the folks who put out the study Barber ruthlessly twists for his own demonic goals were so ticked off they released what G-A-Y’s calling an “all-out condemnation” of all attempts to misuse the study for ignorant purposes. Sure, issuing a memo about a memo about a memo isn’t going to get anyone’s ears boxed for spouting more drivel into the universe, but it’s nice, all the same.

And if someone could drop me a line the next time the radical homosexual lobby holds a get together, that’d be great.